Old Updates: The One Where we Were Convicted of "Busyness"

Fall 2021

Convicted in the "Busyness"

"From one thing to the next, how do we rest?"
"How do we depend on God and not our own strength?"- These are a few questions that have been bumping around in my head this past month and informed this update letter (Amanda).

Every time I sit down to write an update letter, I look back at my journal and agenda from the previous month and decide: what should I write about? But this morning I was convicted; why don’t I pray about it? It’s easy, at least for me, to fall into the trap of thinking that these letters need to prove to you all that we are staying busy and that we are a “good investment”. But that isn’t actually the point of or my heart behind these letters. They aren’t about proving to you all that we are doing “enough”, rather they are our attempt to share our lives with you. Through these emails we hope to share what God is doing around and through us and invite you all to pay attention to those things in your lives as well.

With that said, God has been challenging me recently on my attitude and my pride. It HAS been a hectic month, three Summer English Camps, projects littered in-between, and a busy August and September ahead, with team members coming and going off the field, including the newest addition to our team, the Johnstons, arriving from New Zealand on August 6th.

Somewhere in the middle of being so busy, I felt my attitude slipping and sensed myself getting annoyed at the little things quicker and quicker. And on top of being busy jumping around and playing with the kids at camp, trying to engage them in real conversations, and building relationships with our team and Hungarian volunteers as we work together at camp, my body has not been cooperating the way I want it to as I await surgery in September.

It wasn’t until the second to last day of our final camp that I slowed down enough for just a minute for God to hit me over the head with some truth. We began each camp day as staff with a time of worship together and prayer to prepare for the day ahead. Daniel suggested we sing “Good Good Father”, a song that I have not always particularly enjoyed. After already complaining more than necessary that morning about silly things (it was only about 8am at this point and I had grumbled to Daniel about various things on public transport on our way to the school where camp was held), I reluctantly joined in the singing. And for some reason, on that day when we got to the refrain “you are perfect in all of your ways” the tears just started.

I realized I had been both taking credit unfairly for all of my “busyness” and good work, while simultaneously raging at God for how overwhelmed I felt. I was taking all the credit and giving him all the blame. But that familiar refrain reminded me that even though I was hurting physically and both mentally and physically exhausted, God really IS perfect in all of his ways.

Have you ever read or sang a truth that is completely opposite of your felt experience, but you KNOW it’s true? This was one of those times for me.

And I realized that all of “fruit” and possibility for students here in Hungary to hear about the Gospel was because of HIS perfect ways, not mine.

Following that confession, I am so thankful for God’s love and perfect ways. For his grace and forgiveness for when I invariably get confused and start taking credit for things that aren’t mine to claim.

I’m also thankful for how He was present in our English Camps this year. Students were open to hearing the gospel and many of them indicated on our follow-ups that they want to know more about God.