Old Updates: The One About Spiritual Amnesia

Fall 2019

Does anyone else feel like they are constantly in a state of mild amnesia? Not just the kind where I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast (although that is also often true,...I think it was an egg this morning?) but the kind where I constantly forget and doubt God’s faithfulness and goodness.
 
Time and time again, I find myself stressed out and running ragged trying to figure out even the smallest of things and make everything work. And then once I’ve reached my breaking point, I usually end up in tears asking God what I’m supposed to do. That’s when I am so thankful for the character of God; for his eternal love and forgiveness as he gently reminds me that He, in fact, has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11).
 
I suppose I can take a small amount of comfort in the fact that according to the Bible I don’t seem to be alone in this perpetual forgetfulness. I mean, after seeing God’s clear and decisive work in freeing them from Egypt, the Israelites almost immediately started worrying and complaining about their food and shelter situation. Even all the way back to Genesis, Eve misremembers what God said about the tree of knowledge of good and evil and slides down the slippery slope of temptation (Genesis 3:3).
Moving to Budapest was a massive leap of faith for me. I have always been the type of person that likes a plan and a schedule. I worked the same job for nearly eight years, an apparent eternity to most millennials. So allowing God to shake up my tight hold on MY schedule and MY plan and MY abilities reinforced my reliance on Him. And a pattern emerged as I packed up and sold my house, planned a wedding, sought meetings for ministry partners, and planned this move to Budapest, I found myself with absolutely no idea how any of it was going to happen.

But over and over again, God clearly showed his faithfulness: he cleared the path to sell my house (and even through unforeseen difficulties that taught Daniel and I both further reliance on Him), brought amazing family and friends around me to execute a beautiful wedding BEYOND my dreams, had someone return a support call just when I was about to lose hope, and sent reassuring texts and emails from friends and supporters to soothe my scared and weary heart in the weeks before we left. 
 
Yet, in spite of all of this, I found myself worried on the long flight to Europe. What if I misheard God? What if this is all a huge mistake? Did I forget my deodorant? But as I closed my eyes and handed all of these questions to God, He sent a phrase reverberating through my brain, “I have always provided and I always will.”

 
I don’t have to ensure anything or try to trick God into blessing my plans. All I have to do (and when I say “all I have to do” I mean, I’m still practicing and learning this every minute of every day) is orient myself towards God, listen to Him, and follow behind rather than forge ahead. 
 
So, in our first two weeks here in Budapest, Daniel and I have been focused on settling in and making this home, but more importantly we have been sitting with God and praying at the start of and throughout each and every day that our life here is oriented towards God. Please pray with us that whatever we do here, it is through His strength and out of His plans and not our own. As you pray know we are praying the same for each of you in your context.