Grieving "home"

We have admitted many times over the past 2 years that we have not done a great job of sharing our story with you, or why we returned to the United States from Hungary. And I think as we approach the 2 year mark in February I'm finally able to explain and admit that a large part of that is because we were/are grieving.

We have finally done enough processing to actually admit that the feeling we have been overwhelmed with over the past 2 years is grief. Despite being back "home". Despite having both sets of grandparents within driving distance to spoil Arlo. We have been mourning the loss of our home in Hungary.

You see, we didn't want to leave Hungary. There is no real reason for us to explain via the internet the deep complexities of why we left, because they are many and nuanced. We would love to meet with you in person (or via Zoom etc. if you aren't in the Indy area) because we feel like it's a conversation best had in real time, preferably over a warm mug.

But God closed a lot of doors in Hungary and made it abundantly clear that if we stayed in Hungary (which is what we both desperately wanted to do until the very end) we were staying for our own desires and to build our own kingdom, not to pursue His desires or His kingdom.

We fought that for months.

And while the way Arlo entered the world was dramatic (a character trait that seems to define our little guy), it wasn't a major motivation for moving, rather a "final nail". (which makes me think of the line from A Christmas Carol about death and door nails and how it really did feel a like the last nail to close the door on Hungary at that time).

Which leads me to another apology and another "thank you". We are truly sorry we have not done a better job of sharing with you all. Largely it has been our inability to even put our feelings into words that make sense. But also, some if has been fear. Being vulnerable is scary.

But every time we have opened up and shared our mess and our grief and our processing, we have been met with God's grace and love through you. And that is where the "thank you" doesn't even begin to cover it.

THANK YOU!!

(still doesn't cover it)

For praying for us even when we didn't know how to ask. For messaging us and encouraging us. For continuing to support us financially. For being patient with us. We are thankful beyond words.

And please, we are happy to meet with you to share more if you would like to hear more.

-Amanda